The views in this article represent the author's personal perspective on independence, success, and human interdependence. They are intended to be thought-provoking and do not constitute financial, legal, or professional advice.
Have you ever thought "I can handle this on my own!" Perhaps you even believed that you should do it on your own without relying on others. This idea is also proselytized around self-reliance, growing up, "adulting" and DIY culture. If you believe becoming independent is a worthy goal, if not an outright requirement of life, then you've unwittingly bought into the popular myth and idolization of the independent (wo)man. Continuing to hold this belief could lead you down a path to a lonely life filled with regretful mistakes.
Independence is an Impossible, Undesirable Goal
I once thought independence was a virtue to aspire to. What I realized is that on a horizontal spectrum of being completely dependent to completely independent, the sweet spot was much closer to dependent.
The idea that "I should do it by myself" is completely the wrong approach. Some people put high expectations on themselves in being able to manage it all on their own, which inevitably leads to burnout and self-doubt. But everybody gets help in their lives. In fact, you already depend on people every day. Did you build the roof over your head? Did you build the road you drive on? The car you drive? Do you treat yourself if you're really sick? Do you grow your own food?
As you can see, you've already relied on the help of hundreds if not thousands of people just for your continued existence. I firmly believe there is actually very little that we can do by ourselves. This isn't a bad thing. So it's completely natural to be dependent on others.
You see how it's impossible to be independent? You can begin to see why attempting to live up to something impossible leads to mental havoc, a wrecked self-esteem and negative self-talk. The independence ideology is wrong and, worse, dangerous. If you're pressured to do all, then no wonder you question your self-worth and feel exhausted, anxious and insecure.
Everybody in life is dependent on each other, that's why we formed a society. You wouldn't have even been born if your ancestors were not dependent on others for help.
Dependence is a Healthy, Desirable Goal
The most successful people in the world are the most dependent. Most people still haven't internalized this. Dependence isn't just about personal relationships. It applies to how you allocate resources too. Rather than going it alone, consider whether your money and time would make a greater impact through business vs. donating to charity. The MOST successful people in the world are the MOST dependent.
Let's look at the wealthiest human in the world, Elon Musk. He is by no coincidence also one of the most dependent people in the world, which is a big reason he is so successful. Every day he relies on countless suppliers, friends, family, freelancers and over 100,000 full time employees. He has proudly given praise to these people and has recognized the impossibility of his achievements without them. He has also relied on funding from investors, loans from banks, incentives from governments and a global network of supporters, advisors and mentors. Musk went all in on dependence and the results speak for themselves.
Those who enjoy the craziest success are the most shameless about asking for support
Seeking help is not a weakness but a strength. Do you like to help others? Because, if you do, it's only fair to let others help you as well. Supporting people is the most satisfying and uplifting thing you can do. If you let others help you, you will be uplifting others. Both parties gain.
I'm even willing to bet that there are more people who are looking to help than those actively seeking help. Don't try to fix a problem on your own. Work through them together with coaches and mentors. Don't bottle up your emotions. Share them with your therapist and friends. Be proud to ask for a lot of help because others will be grateful for the opportunity and you'll be much richer and happier.
If this article made you rethink independence, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with your friends and family. And if you have ideas to make this article more persuasive, please let me know @NWExplained.